One of the big pet peeves I have at the moment is people who are rude at the bar, seemingly forgetting that it’s me who’ll be serving their alcohol for the rest of the night, and me who is friends with the bouncers and will see you out if I’m not happy. So here’s a few tips to keeping your bartender on side and ensuring service with a smile and the right change all night.

  1. You need to speak clearly, but please try not to spit all over my face. Also, ‘please’ won’t kill you, and makes the demand of ‘Jagerbomb’ that much nicer.
  2. I’m very happy for you that you’ve pulled/are in a loving relationship but please don’t ram your tongue down your significant other’s mouth at the bar, especially whilst I’m getting your drinks. No one wants to see that.
  3. Have a think about what you might want to drink before you get the bar. If the bar is busy, it only annoys everyone else waiting when you can’t decide between whisky or vodka.
  4. At least get your wallet/purse out when I’m sorting your drinks. It shows you’re trying. I’ll wait for you to count, or even count your change for you, but it takes the mick when you stand for 5 minutes searching every pocket for the illusive wallet. Related to that, please be sure you actually have money before you order too!
  5. On a funnier note, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed how you’ve been drinking all night, but the motion you make when you gesture for water (pretend cup moving towards the mouth) is basically what you do with any drink…

That pretty much covers it! I promise I’m not a mean bartender (though if you ask me for a surprise shot you will get Pernod) but busy shifts mean stress, and if you want another drink, keep me on your good side ;).

See you next time you’re slumped over my bar!